Make the Inner Map
I love stories of strange discoveries. Those moments when explorers, scientists, or an average farmer trip over something small only to discover a whole world beneath. Like when a farmer accidentally found a Roman villa. Or when scientists realized there are vast networks of rivers deep beneath the ice of Antarctica. Stories like these are thrilling because they re-enchant the world. They invite me into curiosity and wonder, and to practice a certain kind of humility. The truth is there are more things unknown to us than known to us, even today.
This is true of the world and it is true of us. Just as the earth and the galaxies are vast, underexplored landscapes, so are our souls. We, too, have a vast inner landscape just beneath the surface. Sometimes we come into contact with it; often we forget it. But what would it look like to become a brave explorer of this inner world? If God has formed the face of the earth with intricate beauties and mysteries, might it be the same within us? What would exploration of that inner world look like, and what might we find?
This is one way to describe the work of spiritual formation. Rather than construct a life on the surface that aims at holiness, we are invited to move to the interior, becoming cartographers of our own souls. With the Spirit, we explore the terrain of this familiar-yet-strange inner world. We descend into caverns, measure fields, catalog flora and fauna. We traverse canyons, ascend mountains, and look for borders. We make a map of the world within us: a world which God himself has made, calls good, delights in, and makes a home.
But it can be difficult to venture into the inner life. Like the farmer in the field, we might accidentally believe that there’s nothing here but dirt. Certainly there’s nothing interesting or beautiful here worth exploring. Or we might be overwhelmed by how much there is to find, feeling ourselves too small. But if we take the risk of supposing that there is something here, and that what we might find is worth the looking, we still have other obstacles to face. We are unwilling to venture forth with the Spirit for these reasons:
Fear
If we believe that we have a vast inner world with exploring and we sense that vastness, then fear is a reasonable response. It is frightening to explore the unknown, no matter how much we pretend we want to go. We wonder what we might find within ourselves. Will we discover something ugly lurking beneath the surface, that we would have preferred to ignore? Will we be led into larger spaces of unknowing, when we would have preferred certainty? What if what we thought we knew was only the edge of a larger, unexplored territory?
The solution to this fear is to not only believe that the work is worth doing, but to remember that we are accompanied. We set forth to explore this inner world with the Spirit as our sure guide. And the Spirit, who knows and sees all, knows and sees us perfectly. What feels unknown or uncertain to us is not unknown to God. God goes with us, guides us, and leads us to know our inner landscape at a rate that helps us feel secure.
Shyness
Or perhaps we don’t want to venture into the vast inner world because we are shy to know ourselves. We have constructed a persona that feels manageable to us and others. We know what to expect, and we like it that way. And so when the Spirit invites us to explore like children, we might feel bashful. We haven’t given ourselves the permission to roam and skip and sprint through this world. We don’t want to start over when we’ve done so well.
But what if God’s invitation to become like little children extended even to this invitation to know ourselves? What if we could freely and joyfully explore our inner world in the spirit of play, believing it was okay to make a mess, a mistake, or get lost? What if God was delighted to let us make discoveries and find new treasures, and to trust the playful spirit that leads us?
Exhaustion
Finally, the invitation to explore our inner world sounds like another chore on a never-ending list. If we discover something new within ourselves, it might require more than we’re willing to give. Rather than commit to more work, it’s simply easier to not know. We’re too weary to get up and go, and we’re too tired to handle what we find.
While our exhaustion is valid, the tiredness that prevents us from knowing ourselves is a trap. We mistakenly believe that ignoring ourselves will give us the rest we crave. But the reality is that self-knowledge will always be better than self-ignorance. When we patiently and gently explore and roam this inner world, we are led towards wisdom and freedom. We begin to find ourselves more at home within ourselves, so that more of our life is converted from labor towards rest. When we make a map with the Spirit of our inner world, we chart more places to rest and call home.
Beloved of God, explore your inner world without fear. Though you feel shy, trust that your childlike spirit will help you go where you need to go. And when you feel weary, remember that the treasures you will turn over will be gifts.
As you make a map of your inner world with God, turning stones over one at a time, you will find more. Your questions will sink you into deeper wonder, or greater longing. Keep looking, keep exploring, until you find those treasures you forgot long ago or never knew were there.
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